


Letters

by DesertLily



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Bittersweet, Dwarf Courting, Dwarf Culture & Customs, Dwarven Ones | Soulmates, Fix-It, Kinda, M/M, Post-Bofta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 15:56:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20176921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertLily/pseuds/DesertLily
Summary: The Company survive the Battle of the Five Armies but Bilbo Baggins still returns to the Shire. Over the years, he reflects on his life and what it never was.





	Letters

Bilbo Baggins did not think himself a complicated person. In fact, for the most part, he found himself very straight forward. He was a Baggins Of Bag End. He always had been and always would be. Even if he longed to be somewhere else; someone else. In terms of a Hobbit, Bilbo was certainly a rare sort. The furthest most hobbits went on any sort of adventure was to Bree and back - yet even that was considered abnormal. A trip half a world away to the Lonely Mountain? It was practically scandalous. He was no burglar in the Shire. Not a hero of Erebor. Being a member of the Company of Thorin Oakenshield held no weight in the Shire. To the other hobbits it simply meant trouble. Thus the mystery of ‘Mad Baggins’ had begun. Whilst Bilbo Baggins did not think himself complicated, there were many that would disagree.

He had not been the same since he returned from Erebor. It had all stuck with him. The good and the bad. The relationships he had formed along the way and what he had lost. Bilbo had lost a lot over his journey but there had been one thing he had given away and he had given away foolishly. His heart. It had taken a long time and even longer for him to notice yet over their journey, Thorin Oakenshield claimed his heart. Thorin. There were a million words Bilbo could use to describe him but he did not dare to use. Not anymore. Not after what he had done. Bilbo had betrayed Thorin’s trust by stealing the Arkenstone and as a result, Thorin had broken Bilbo’s heart on the battlements.

By some sort of miracle every member of the Company had survived the Battle of Five Armies. By some sort of miracle everyone Bilbo cared about was safe and alive and thousands of miles away. Even after the battle, Bilbo hadn’t returned to Erebor. Thorin had banished him, after all. He had only learnt of their survival through dwarves passing through Dale as Bilbo made his preparations to return to the Shire. The last of the Company he had seen was Bofur. The dwarf had found him and begged him to stay; begged him to come back to the mountain. But Bilbo refused. The last time Thorin had seen him was to banish him and he dared not see the king again. Even if Bofur swore the dragon sickness had finally left him.

So Bilbo went home. Unable to hide the emptiness inside of him as he did. The true Bilbo Baggins had been left behind in Dale. What remained was ‘Mad Baggins’. The unusual adventurer who always had a sad look in his eyes. The strange hobbit who never quite looked whole. Yet he endured all the gossip and the teasing as he tried to pretend to gain some level of normality in his life but nothing felt right. The Shire didn’t feel like home anymore. Bag End felt empty without thirteen boisterous dwarves to fill it. Bilbo hated it. He hated it more than anything else in the world. He had often thought about writing to his friends, pleading them to visit him or simply stop by if they were on a trip to the Blue Mountains but he never did. He could never quite bring himself to. Of course, that never stopped them writing to him. At least once a week, ravens came from Erebor carrying letters for him. Each sealed in a different way in a different hand-writing. Yet he never opened a single one of them. How could he? He was a Baggins Of Bag End and he needed to be respectable. He needed to put all thoughts of adventure behind him. Yet some letters tempted him more than most. Letters with blue wax seals imprinted with the royal crest of Durin. Letters from Thorin. What words could Thorin Oakenshield possibly have left to say to him anymore? What was left to be said?

As time went on, Bilbo’s longing for his friends only grew. How could it not? They had literally changed his life. For better or worse, Mad Baggins wasn’t sure. That was what gave him the idea to begin to learn more about dwarves and their history. He knew such books would never exist in the Shire so a swift trip to a bookshop in Bree was what he needed to get the books he needed. Yet as he read, something began to unsettle him. He found a chapter on Dwarven romance. He found talk about what the dwarves called their ‘One’. Dwarves only loved once and they dedicated their life to that person. They adored them and treasured each moment they shared. To begin courting their One, dwarves braided a courting braid into their intended’s hair along with one of their family beads. Bilbo remembered wearing Thorin’s bead well. He had taken the braid out as he readied to leave Dale, asking Bofur to return the bead to Thorin. Only know did he understand why the dwarf looked so horrified. Bilbo Baggins had been Thorin’s One. He slammed the book shut. Bilbo never again touched those books again.

Then the visits started. The terrible, terrible visits. When a hobbit visited, he could always tell who by the way they knocked and banged on his door. If it were mere faunts coming to here another of story of Mad Baggins’ great adventures, he would hear the light and hesitance knocking upon his door. If it were the Gaffer knocking to talk more about his garden then it would louder more steady knocking. If it Lobelia Sackville-Baggins knocking at his door then it would be sharp and precise. If it were a dwarf knocking at his door then it would loud, heavy and demanding. When Bilbo first heard that loud knocking, he had felt his blood run cold. Then Bofur’s voice rang out. “Bilbo? Are you home?” Bilbo wasn’t proud to say it but he hid in his pantry until the knocking stopped. Then he heard what was definitely Bombur say “Perhaps he’s out. Maybe...maybe we can catch him another time.” followed by a slight grunt from who he assumed to be Bifur. It hurt to hear his friends leave but Bilbo Baggins was a coward. They weren’t the last to come. Not by a long short. Balin, Nori, Ori, Dori, Oin, Glóin and his son Gimli - even Dwalin had stopped by once. The hardest to ignore had been Kíli and Fíli. The two princes sounded so hesitance as they knocked upon his door. “Mister Boggins? Are...Are you home? It’s us, Bilbo! You never answer our letters. We’re worried...” Still, Bilbo did not answer the door. His heart shattered into a million pieces when Fíli spoke; “C’mon. I don’t think he’s in much of a mood to talk to us...” The only person who didn’t visit was Thorin and Bilbo found it a blessing that he never heard the Mountain King’s voice at his door.

There was one visitor Bilbo could never forget. How could he when she had simply let herself in to his home when he had not responded to her knocking. Whilst she was a stranger to him, it had not taken long for him to work out who she was. She had Kili’s hair and Fili’s bright eyes. Dis, Thorin’s sister, and she looked absolutely furious when she laid eyes on poor Bilbo. “Are you aware, Master Baggins, of the emotional toll you are taking on my sons and my brother? I was skeptical when they informed me that not all hobbits were selfish but clearly they were wrong.” Bilbo had face all manner of horrifying creature on his journey but none terrified him more than Dis. “You could not send a single letter to assure them you were alive and well?! You could not offer my brother explanation as to why you broke his heart?”

Bilbo had to scoff at that. It seemed some details of their journey had been omitted when told to Dis. “Your brother tried to throw me off the battlements before banishing me from Erebor, Lady Dis. Why would I want to be with such a man? When he never offered me apology or repentance for what he did?” Then Bilbo thought back to the letters. What did they really say? What had his friends been trying to tell him?

Dis’s anger only seemed to grow at that. “It seems my brother has much to answer for. To do that to his One...” There was that word again only there to confirm his fears. Thorin Oakenshield would only ever love Bilbo Baggins but Bilbo Baggins could not love him. Not in the way Thorin deserved. Not anymore. “But so do you, Master Burglar. It seems you lack the ability to both read and write. Your banishment ended long ago. Mahal, my brother sheared his beard completely in penance once more for your rejection! Why...why would you do that to him?” Desperation filled her voice at that as her eyes softened just barely. “Why can’t you write to them?”

Bilbo didn’t entirely have an answer. Thorin had done that because of him? Dwarves treasured their beards and for Thorin to do that to himself...He was starting to feel sick. “Why should I put aside my own happiness and well being for the sake of Thorin Oakenshield? Someone I have seen lose his temper in the most terrifying of ways. I was in love with him once but I...I cannot go back to that. I cannot go back to him.” He watched as disappointment began to fill Dis’s eyes. Then, like the good host he was, Bilbo spoke up. “I can, however, offer you my hospitality.” Thus the two ended up having afternoon tea together with Dis regaling Bilbo with tales of Kili and Fili’s childhood whilst talk of Thorin remained a forbidden subject. 

After that, Bilbo did not read any of his letters. No, he kept them hidden away but he did write letters to each member of the Company; each member but him. Over time, he learned of their new life in Erebor. Balin had considered leaving to reclaim Moria but instead chosen to stay by Thorin’s side as his advisor. Nori and Dwalin had found love between each other. Bombur had found himself a dwarven lass that he simply adored. They all told him about Thorin, pleaded him to write to the king but Bilbo could not.

As the years went by, Bilbo considered returning to Erebor. In fact, he had finally begun to make plans to. Then tragedy had struck. His cousin Drogo and his wife had fallen into the Brandywine river and drowned, leaving their son Frodo behind with no one to look after him. After talk of the boy staying with the Sackville-Baggins family, Bilbo had decided to take him in and put his plans to return to Erebor on a permanent hiatus. The Lonely Mountain was no place to raise a hobbit child. He would not take Frodo there. Of course, he wrote to all of the Company about his nephew with Kili insisting that Thorin had given an almost smile when he heard the news Bilbo was safe; that he was happy. Something stirred inside him that news but not something enough for Bilbo to act on it. So he spent his years in the Shire raising his dear Frodo. Finally, his friends began to stop by. Bilbo let them in to his home. They were all welcome. They were always welcome. Yet some still talked in hope of Bilbo rekindling his love for Thorin but as Bilbo grew old, that hope dwindled.

Finally, after what was truly too many years, Bilbo wrote to Thorin Oakenshield. His hands had grown old and wrinkly and his hair was now purely white. Still, he sat down and wrote.

‘To his Majesty, Thorin Oakenshield, King Under The Mountain.

I am soon to turn eleventy-one which in itself is an incredible age for any hobbit to live. At this point, most of the Shire seem to be placing bets as to when I will finally kick the bucket. But at such a milestone birthday, I would be honoured to receive you and the Company to such celebrations. I want things to end well between us and I would gladly spend my birthday surrounded by my dearest friends.

Yours sincerely  
Bilbo Baggins, burglar of Erebor’

Bilbo smiled as he sent the letter. It would be nice to see him one last time.

**Author's Note:**

> Is this good? Terrible? All comments are appreciated!! If you have any fic requests then please hmu at desert-lily on tumblr. This is my first time writing a Tolkien fic and I’m kinda proud of it??


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